It is common knowledge that neighbors all over the world can be quite bothersome; whether it’s their kids, how they talk, what they do, or their entire existence. Managing the “How to Deal With your Neighbors” etiquette can become hectic and daunting; so you just give up in order to save your sanity and live in dismay for the rest of your life, or until you move, or until one of them simply…well you know where I’m going with this!
The ones who continuously water their plants and wash your hanging laundry with brown-ish water
No matter what you say, and no matter what you do, there will always be a Marie who wouldn’t care less about dirtying your balcony or garden.
The ones who are lawyers, threaten to take you to court, and are the husbands of Marie
Ok, so Marie doesn’t seem to comprehend that she is dirtying your entire space. You stare at the water-hose and contemplate on how glorious it would be to spray her entire living room but would really dare to do that when her husband is one of those wretched lawyers?
The ones who insist on parking their cars in your parking lot
This is especially true for those who live in the Suburbs. Who cares about the building plan and about whose name is on which designated spot? The Lebanese living in Switzerland has the complete right to take over your area. Why? Because, well…what’s wrong with you? He lives in Switzerland, so he must be more important than you!
The ones who threaten to cut off your water if you ask for your right
Yes, there is always a Haroon lurking around, proud of himself for being “the chosen one” (head of the building committee) and threatening to cut off any of your amenities if you complain about something that is your right but yet helping the rest of the neighbors who are all married.
The ones who snob everyone else because they can afford buying a car for every single family member
Hey Bahij, we all know that you are a Bank Branch Manager; car loans sure do come easy for ya; even that nip’n’tuck for your wife…yeah, we all know!
The ones who “borrow” your items without your knowledge
So, you are having friends over and need that extra table; you go down to your storage room and can’t seem to find that table! Panicking, you run to the concierge and he says “Madame Ortanse has a dinner party and told me to get your table because she needed extra seats and I said to myself that of course you wouldn’t mind”. You head up to Madame Ortanse’s apartment, ask for your table back and receive this outstanding reply “yi walaw, dey2et 3aynik 3ala tawle?”.
The ones who start stomping with their high-heels at 6 a.m
Why do you need your heels at 6 a.m when you don’t work, nor are you going to a “sobhiye”? All you do is prepare breakfast for your kids before they head to summer school!
The ones who pretend they didn’t see you
Imagine this scenario; you are in an elevator…Just you and your neighbor hanging around in the little cubicle; he is completely ignoring your existence, then before going out, he says “yi! ma sheftik ya jara”. Well, I guess you could take that as a compliment; I know I do. All the junk food, late night eating and no exercising have helped me lose so much weight that I’ve become invisible!
The ones who fight with you over a tree
You both want different types of trees facing your building; you sneaked so many times at night, ripping the little trees from their roots; and now, you both ended up with a metal fence from the municipality facing you.
The ones you actually like
Well…they left the building for good.
*All names have been altered. The lawyer could take me to court for mentioning his name; while I’m rotting in jail, his wife Marie will then turn my garden into a mud resort; the Swiss will take my parking lot (and I have worked oh so hard during the years on arriving home before him); Haroon will cut off my amenities and I will end up with a home stinking of rotten foods; Bahij will definitely scratch my car and Madame Ortanse will invite all of the mentioned above for dinner party at my house.